Last Fighting!!

Finally, it is going to be end soon! What a exited feel!

Now, everything has already gone through and just left 2 main subjects!

After tomorrow, I will go back to kuantan after this long fighting time!

I hope everything will be fine and gonna have a new life on next sem!

Night

In this night, I am thinking so much about my family and hometown. I know I have spent time of half of a year at PJ, which is the place I am studying now.

Every night, I have no thought so much but recently I can't control myself to think about it. Is that worth I give up just because I have lower coursework marks? Is that worth my family afford me study at here and I just depressed and giving up?

Those questions should make me realize! It is worthless I thought it and I should take the time that I was thinking to improve my homework.

It is not easy to study in UTAR, but it is harder to pay high for my study. I understood that my parents work harder to pay the fees. I have no reason to give up. I came here by 4 hours, and I just went back once per semester, I should feel happy that I still have chance to study in high education institutes.

Night is silent and quiet but I like this style...

Economy

Recently, I am always concerning about the bloggers which are relevant to the economy,finance,investment,and etc.

Because my degree course is related to those fields, I think I need to improve my knowledges outside from what I have learnt in University. Those bloggers have experienced many years and got a lot of precious opinion about the economy and finance or investment.

As a normal person, maybe we think that we are not expert in those field or not related to us, if you think in this way, you are definitely wrong!

Why say so? Economics is related to our life. If our country could not attract the investors to invest in our country, our country would lack of funds to develop country and forced to print more money. What's going later? high unemployment rate and high depreciation of monetary, living cost increasing year by year but salaries cannot reach the standard of inflation.

The most horrible affect is... society turmoil.

So do not ignore the developing of economics in daily.

We shall learn how to economy our money.

It's final again

Although I do not believe it, but the final exam has been coming soon and it means that ending of semester 2 too.

Quite surprise that I am going to degree more nearer, even though my situation is not so optimistic as I thought.

看开点

近日来总是听到、看到人们热烈地讨论关于某青年在面子书上留下遗言，然后自杀身亡的新闻。本人基于忙于别的事，所以没多加理会，但后来发现真有其事，所以去了解（八卦）到底是怎么一回事。

在多番了解后，原来又是“看不开”惹的祸！本人蛮惊讶的是此青年一表人才却拥有如此脆弱的承受力，实在感叹时下的年青人无法把心胸和眼光放宽一点，非得选择极端的手法来了结自己。

本人也曾经失恋，也曾经因学业问题低落到以为人生就此完蛋，但是决不会以“死”来解决问题。妈妈说过：“既然有勇气死，为什么没有勇气活下去呢？”人嘛总是有起伏的时候，把问题看的太重就会钻牛角尖，容易把自己逼入死角而无法自拔。

眼光放宽一点，就不会被眼前的事情所打倒；心胸宽一点，想法自然就不同。没有解决不了的事，只有不肯解决的事；没有想不通的事；只有不肯想通的事。

Grown

Recently, I feel that I have grown and matured after some time. This is what unpredictable happening within myself, maybe this is contributed by the participation of SGM activities.

Before that I never felt I would so participating in SGM activities, sometimes I was trying to avoid from it. Since year 2010 is going to end soon, I have realized that I wasted too much of time on doing nothing for the whole year. It is seriously brought a big impact to my mind, and I decided to manage my time wisely to change myself.

For the sake of the social, also for those who I concern and myself, I must change my weaknesses. I have set a new target which is become an economics researcher that is working for the public, and participate in economics policies researching.

It seems like impossible and incredible, but I have to accomplish it because this is the mission that I want to fulfill!

Still continuing

After the busy months, I should say I already can relax for a moment. Somehow I am emoting again....

I shouldn't let myself down but unfortunately I do.

重新出发

为了痛改前非，我决定来个重新出发！我必须对自己严格，过着规律的生活，以便能够达到超越自我的目标！
一开始确实不容易，但是我决心已下，一定要彻底的坚持与奋斗下去！

陈子雄，你一定行！

Except Study.......?

Everyone knows that I am not so active in curriculum activities. Most of the time I just doing nothing for my leisure time, for avoid this my mother has decided to push up me in SGM activities.

So, for this purpose I have came and moved to 1st student house. At the beginning, I felt no so comfortable because they are passion. After some times, I had adapted to this type of life.

But the main problem has came...when they asked me for participate the activities, I gave a lot of excuses to avoid it even the chanting meet I also wanted to consider a long time.

To change this bad behaviour, I have decided that I would participate activities without giving excuses.

Busy Week Again

Recently I am a bit busy about my assignments, tests, presentations...fortunately I still can afford what I am doing for now.

For this time,I have realized that the time is passing so fast until I have no idea to this semester. Maybe last semester was honey moon for us, but this time there is no honey moon any more.

I am no expecting I would get a 3.0 or 4.0 grades but hopefully I can get what I want from this semester and also I can access this semester.

Care

Actually I am not going to say what do I care for but unfortunately I am care about what does she say to me. Although we are not longer in the relationship...

I was surprising that she would say out those things to me and she lets me know that I was terrible to her. Because of me, she fought with her friends...It seems like I am not interested what did they fight for but I am care about why does she think me like that way??

Had I done wrong to her?? Or I couldn't satisfy what did she need for?? Or else, I might too strict when I was talking with her??

Anyway, I couldn't find the accrual answers for these kinds of questions, she is unpredictable. So should I ignore what does she say and keeping become my self or I should care what does she say and change my self??

There is no time for me to think more but is it my weakness???

力不从心

没想到我这么快就陷入力不从心的阶段。。。

话说回来，我已经好久都没这样了，感觉身心疲累，

Weekend

Finally,I have finished all my classes of this week. It's unbelievable that the time is passing faster than I thought, now already end of week 2 and still has 12 weeks to go.

for those who are living near hometown must be going back but for me it's no a constant because Kuantan is too far from here. Whatever it is, my life still going and I am waiting for the final exam.

As I thought, this trimester is not easy further it's more harder if compare with last trimester. But I have found some ways to keep my study, I had made mistake because of failure to find ways to study.

I should enjoy my weekend but it seems like I couldn't do it in this trimester because I have added up 1 more subject for this trimester. The cost is sacrifice my entertainment to satisfy my result.

When I can enjoy a fully funny weekend???

Getting Tired

It was a super tired day!!! I could't afford anymore if this type of life is persisting in this semester, I would mad because of that!!

I don't know the decision that made by me is right or not!!

Approaching

It's all over about the semester 1, we need to stand up again to face the semester 2. I never thought that my holidays were passed quickly and there is a cruel truth that I have to face~~~my final exam result of semester 1

Maybe I should happy what I got in my final exam. My result was not so good and I have failed in MATHS. Even I failed but my CGPA was 2.03, that means I have passed but I do not know whenever I would retake or repeat the exam only??

It doesn't matter which situation will I face, the most important thing is I won't give up easily without any hardworking.

The hardest challenge of Foundation life is approaching!! I must keep high spirit for my new life!!

Jackwin, you are Jack-win!!

Start form Zero

Everyone is going to have their holiday after final exam. I didn't have any plan or I should say that I have no mood to have fun with UTAR friends.

After this semester, I think that I should have a plan for my next semester although I have no idea with my timetable. But I couldn't let same mistakes happen again in next semester.

Everything is over, I must start from zero!!

The End

Finally I had already taken my General Mathematics paper yesterday. I knew that I probably failure in this subject, but I have never regretted what have I done.

Actually I have been tried my best to complete every question and even some of the questions I couldn't solve it but I was still trying to do something at that time. This means I have no reason to blame anyone or anything if I would fail.

The End of the semester is near and I am going to go back to Kuantan after the last paper. Maybe some people would ask me that will I worry about my result?? Before that, my answer would be "yes, I am really worry about it and can't relax because of this"; now my answer will be"no, it's all over already and just let it go and focus to other things"

Yes,we should not blame anyone if we failure in doing something. Just think how to make sure yourself won't take the same mistakes in next time. Do not saying that somebody is influencing you causes you can't do the right thing or somemore....

All the things in semester 1 is ended, just expecting what will happen in next semester.

Loading

Few days later, I will be taking my final exam for this semester. I wondered that the time was passing so fast until I feel that I still studying in semester 1 and the fact is I will be going to semester 2.

Nobody can prognosis what would happen in next moment even you have planed everything well. That is why we should have plan B or plan c if you are planing something. I have learned this thing few days ago when I was registered for my timetable of next semester and I was failed to complete my plan A extremely.

However, I couldn't give up so easily even I was failed. So I just tried to make another timetable that not in my expectation. This timetable maybe is not a good timetable but I will try to adapt and match this timetable.

Soon, I will leave PJ for a while and go back to Kuantan. I am loading for everything will be coming soon.

悬崖

不知不觉已经来到学期末了，所有的事情也随着学期的结束而宣布告一段落。话说回来，我这个学期的命运已经快到了不在我控制的范围内。

现在的情况跟处在于悬崖边缘没什么两样，我随时会失足掉进无底的黑暗。其实我真的很无奈，我并非没有去做，只是我老是做不出。我不能怪任何人，只能怪自己没定力，再加上以前自己不会想，所以才会搞到现在的局面。

我到底会怎么样呢？？？

confused

I am confused by the examination and the activities of SGM. I do not know whether I could manage my time wisely or just wasting the time on unnecessary things. Maybe I too worried about my result of MATHS...

In this few days, many things coming together seem like wanted to challenge my time managing and my patient. It does not matter if I have a lot of time that make me focusing on one thing, but it's not a thing that I need to do but a lot of things even I never do before.

Other confused thing is my holidays. I am quite wondering that who would pick up me during my holidays. I do not want to stay here too long time because I am missing my hometown and people at there. Hopefully that my brother would pick up me and go back to Kuantan especially I wanted to see my niece^^.

If I retake semester or subject(s), I sure will more hard work than now~~

Missing Hometown

Even I can adapt the living style at PJ, but I still remember my hometown and miss my family and friends at there. Actually I was thinking when is the time shall I go back to my hometown- Kuantan in this few days.

I am planning what would I do or meet with my BUDDIES when I go back to Kuantan. Just now I saw a video through Facebook and this video was regarding to our 5G party day. I was touched by this video and made me recall my memory about our crazy secondary school life.

Some of us are studying at University or College, so I think that they(actually is "we" because I am the one who is studying in University too) might not all go back to Kuantan to have a gathering.

I am missing all of your, 5G , family and everything in Kuantan~~

Final

After some days of busy, I realized that Uni life is really busy than what I thought before. It's not like secondary school life, just put a lot of effort on examination or individually study but uni life is talking about the sociality.

Maybe many of us couldn't adapt this new regulation in the beginning, but it's necessary to be learned by us. It's important for us in our future careers because you are not the only one in this society, but we are in crowd.

As we know, Malaysia education system is making someone to become a "straight A's student" or "examination machine". In this policy, "creativity","communication skills","critical thinking","moral value" are not exist. So, what I saw in this university is the students do not have personally soft skills or I should say lack of critically thinking.

They just know how to get good result but do not have own ability to have a communication with other people. Furthermore, they are afraid to do a presentation in front of the stage. Unfortunely , they do not want to wake up or change.

However, final exam is coming soon after three weeks from now. I have not choice but I must push myself to get pass all the subjects and enter to second semester. Maybe is my final~~

fighting with maths

two weeks ago, i got my test result. i was disappointed about my result that i got. it's really really bad and i was shocked because i couldn't imagine i was the lowest mark in the class.
er
actually i was depressing at that moment, i doubted to myself and thinking i won't survive in this semester. when i went back home, i started struggling to study. but i couldn't focus even there was nobody or nothing disturb me.

fortunely, my housemates were encourage me never give up easily even i am suffering. i realized that i can't give up so easily because of a little bit failure.
i came from kuantan and this is not a near distance between here and my hometown, i must survive for this semester, no, is three semesters!!!

mathematics, i will fight with you until of the end, i won't give up so easily as long as i still alive!! i will beat you out!

tired life??

recently, i am always feeling tired. actually i am not sure what happen to me but i quite tired every time i come back from utar i just like normal daily life.

so tired~~~~

decision for worst situation

i am quit worry about my examination result, because it related to my final examination marks, i am afraid that i might be eliminated or retake whole subjects.


in this case, i have think about it already. IF i eliminated from utar or retake all subjects,then i won't remain my utar study life again.because it's wasting the time and money, or i just continue my study life at other college, maybe TARC is my choise.

if don't want to study anymore, then just straight away go and find a job. i might disappointed everyone especially my family and my ns friends. they wishfully i can sucess in university, but i might make they disappointed.


but this are just my decision or assumption for worst situation, i may not failure so easy, so i am trying to find a new way to raise myself and a new way for my smart revision.

What was i doing??

I finished my general mathematics today,actually I am no happy what was I doing during the examination.

firstly, I was thinking too much when answering those questions!!! those questions are quite easier then quiz, why i can make a lot of mistake!! this paper total marks is 30%, but i don't know whether i can get 10 marks or not, no, even 5 marks also become a problem!!!

second, i realize that i was in the wrong way during the revision!!i shouldn't redo all the questions of tutorial!! actually i should choose questions to do!!this way
will be more easier!!and i was to afraid of loss until i indifferent to my revision!!

now i am feeling ashamed by what was i doing just now, i hope i won't make same mistakes same like today!!!

迷失中寻找自己

考试接近了，我依然像平时一样埋头苦干地做练习（实际上只能算是复习，因为我重做所有的练习题），结果没想到我竟然用了七个小时去做回我做过的练习！！

我在想这样做是不是真的有用？？我的意思并不是指我不应该做,而是不应该选择埋头苦干，做收获不大的事情？？我一下子失去了方向，因为我一直认为勤能补拙，但是会不会造成事倍功半呢？？

我要怎么样在迷失中的迷宫找到属于自己的定位呢？？

EXAMINATIONS ARE COMING

As I know the MID TERM TESTs are coming soon and I have a quiz of maths coming on this Friday. I am feeling that the time is running out and passage very fast.


I am trying to do anything that I can do for my examinations. Even the time is not enough but I will try my best to complete my quiz in the short time given to me.


Well, I am feeling good staying at here, so it's no problem for me.

I am enjoying

After sometime I had been adapted the life of university. I know that's not easy for me because I never study in a environment freedomly compare with the secondary school life.


I am enjoying the life of the university now. Even I knew a few friends only but I will try my best to know more friends. After few days I will be taken my first quiz and taking my first test of General Mathematics.


I must take a good result even not A but get C I also feel happy. The only way I take good result just keep going on my study and hardworking in all subjects.


The challenges are coming , I must face it but not avoid it~~

what should i do??

i am confuse and unhappy now!! what do i mean is i can't concerntrate to the subject of general mathematics and felt very stress in this subject!

i never learn addition mathematics before and my modern mathematics also no good during my secondary school life. but i am study in university now, i have no choise because the course i am taking is about business stream, all is talk about the money and calculation.

i know i can't regret what i choose because other people just give me advise and the dicision was did by me. now i am standing on the cross road and still hesitating with the quetion "what i should i do"??

this is not biggest challenge for me, but i seem like no courage to cross it and defeat by myself easily! is that my strenght just like that?? never try never know ??

nobody can tell me what should i do.........

nothing is imposible

tomorrow will start our general mathematics lecture class, i am nervous about it because i am no good in this subject and i must keep my concentration when i am facing this subject.

i felt happy today maybe i was found a group of friends study together. this was my expection long time ago but always can't find. if we still keep this mind, i sure we will have a happy university memories.

now i understand what did my brother said before, he said that if we knew something already then why do we still spend a lot of money and time to study in university? if we don't know that subject we must try our best and hardworking to study it. we cannot give a lot of excuses to ourself to escape!

this is nothing we can't do it in this world, just depend to our minds and heart to do those things. we can't change our past but can change and create our future by our hands!

just begining

now is the second day of the study day~what i learn today is doing anything independently!

no metter what type of homeworks or leacture notes, we must search those things ourself.i can't imagine that if we haven't labtop or don't know about the computer's operate!

i thought i can adapt the new life soonly, but this is diffrent between the reality and imagnie!

i feel stress now, the life in university is just begining!

打击！

终于等到开学了， 真的很期待自己的大学生涯，虽说我曾誓言要考到学位课程，但是说易做难！

今天的上课时还蛮顺利的，只是没想到数学这一科我竟然完全跟不上！我的心情顿时跌到谷底！！我以为数学即使再难我还是可勉强跟得上，现在却万万没想到脆弱的我就这样输给了自己，短时间内我点起了想要转科系的念头，思绪变得极为混乱~

我尽量克服情绪上的干扰，因为在这种情况下做决定时极为危险的，我不想被一时的冲动毁了自己的大学生涯！这是我当时的信念！

跟家人商量过后，决定继续留在这个科系，因为我想到父母用血汗钱来供我读大学，我不禁流下了眼泪~

我恨我自己为什么不争气，小小的搓折就可以毁掉了我的信心~

I HATE MYSELF!!!

The UTAR life

finally i intake utar sucessly, and i beginning my new life in PJ. now i feel that the stress of study because i checked some of the examination papers last year. is difficultly then i thought.

but mostly important is i must hardworking in my study. i don't want be disqualified from utar and i don't want wasting my time in the unmeaning things!

i know some new friends through the orientation days especially in activity ice-breaking and what i feel happy because i found my coursemate !

tomorrow will be the last day of orientation~

失败乃是成功之母

人生的路途从来不可能一帆风顺，有成功的时候就必然也有失败的时候，所以要取得成功就得经过失败，因为经历过失败你才能够明白成功是什么滋味。

该怎么形容我个性上的缺失呢？如果说我并不是个勇于承认自己错误的人一点也不为过，因为很多时候我都很容易被一些小挫折或小批评影响了我的自信心，也严重影响了我当天的情绪，结果我很容易陷入低潮却又不愿面对自己的错失，一直固执地在原地打圈。

这几天我一直在学驾车，之前我是让驾驶学院的老师教导，结果手脚笨拙的我一直不停地被骂。虽然如此，超容易被打击的我就这样一直学不好，因为我潜意识的心态认为我这么笨手笨脚，怎么学也不可能学的会~

时间拖了几天后，一向以来不敢教我驾车的妈妈终于按耐不住出手教我！在学习的过程中我依然不停地出错，妈妈嘴里一直骂我心里却认为我一定能学的好。

虽然现在的我不时仍会出错，但是明显的改善了许多，其实要归功于我的妈妈，她不断的指导我不断的鼓励我，驾车对大部分的人来说很简单，但对我来说是需要时间去学习的~

我并不善于表达情感，但我要感激妈妈的支持~

leaving and countdown

After some days or time of one week I will leave my hometown-KUANTAN and going to PETALING JAYA the big city that is naerly with KUALA LUMPUR for my study. The UNIVERSITY that I am going is UTAR, I will take the course foundation in arts in first year and start my degree course banking&finance in second year.


I have feel that I may not back to kuantan after fininshed my study.Maybe I think that PJ or KL has better condition for my future job. I knew the cost in that places is very high but I more attend to the condition or the environment of the job(s).

When i was thinking about I am leaving KUANTAN I felt that I am leaving everything and everybody in this place. Every memory in this place I won't forget it and keep it on my heart forever.

I have some nervous about my study life in PJ because PJ is big city:high cost,crodwed,speedly life,and bad public security~beside that I more worry about the contend in UNIVERSITY. I know I am not the best one but I will try my best in my study and never compete myself with other people.

The countdown going to PJ is nearly, I am preparing~

Learning

最近几天开始有恢复状态的迹象，毕竟已经回来了一个星期，如果还无法适应家里的环境还真的有点说不过去。所以现在是想办法让自己的状态完全恢复，这样我才能在升学是以最好的状态去学习。

在国民服务的日子里，我学到了什么叫纪律的生活，也学到了人不是单靠自己的力量就能完事，是一种共同创造的力量。然而我在里面的日子并不久，所以学到的也不是非常彻透，只能说是浅尝吧！

这个世界没有一件是不必靠学习回来的，就算是最简单的吃喝拉撒睡也是学回来的，有时很佩服婴儿的毅力，因为在学习走路的过程他们永不言弃的精神，即使跌倒了无数次也爬起来继续走。

学习是靠心，其次是执行~我现在才发现，我连洗衣服也不会，也完全不会驾车，但是为了能够生存，我必须学习，必须用心去学习才能得到我要的结果~

或许放下留恋过去的心也是一种学习吧！

回家

经历了三个星期的国民服务生活，终于得以升学为理由而获得批准提前退营，回家了！回到家还真的有点不惯，似乎一下子变得陌生，但是还是很开心能回到家。

话说回来，我好像变得很懒散，经常觉得很困昏昏欲睡，不知道是什么原因。或许我在里面的生活太疲劳了，太久没有获得真正的休息吧？现在已经接近升学了，我却好像不大愿意去想这些事，我到底怎么了？

回家固然是好事，但是我却不清醒？？？

离别

过两天就离开关丹了，我要继续我的路，一直勇往前冲，开始过我之前不曾过的生活，现在就离别了~

各位朋友保重，他日有缘再相见~

远离温暖的家

国民服务离我越来越近，大学的开课日也越来越近，但是离开这个温暖的家却是近在眼眉！我真的很惊讶，毕竟我只剩下不到一个星期留在家里而已！

也就是说我现在得学会如何独立生活，学习如何照顾自己的生活起居，最重要的是我要学习做人之道。大学的环境确实跟我们的中小学不一样，因为那里汇集了各地真正欲求学的学生，竞争不言而喻啊！但是多多少少也会激励我的奋斗心，当然压力也不会轻。

远离温暖的家意味着我不再依赖家人行事、做决定，很多事情都要自己来承担责任，不能说想做就做，必须先想到后果所带来的影响。自然首要做到的就是要有自制能力，这样才能让自己有警惕性，做任何事都会顾虑到后果。

对我而言，妈妈言谈中经常露出不舍的情绪，显然她还未能接受我一下子要离开她的身边，去到这么远的地方独自生活。她的忧虑我能理解，一旦我走了她身边就只剩下爸爸而已，自己含辛茹苦养大的两个儿子都不在自己身边了，我不知道妈妈要花多少时间去适应，要流多少舍不得的眼泪~

很多人身在福中不知福，总觉得家人对自己不够疼爱，总觉得家人不重要，总觉得他们漠视自己...我想告诉你们，家人是一生一世的，曾有一句话“朋友是可以选择，只有家人没得选”，显示了可以成为一家人是一种缘分，千万不要为了一点小怨气而漠视了大恩情。

常看到报章上很多无知少年少女为了一口气而离家出走，通常不外是觉得家人忽视自己、为了男女朋友、无法承受压力...离家可以有千千万万个理由，但是回家可以无需理由，因为家就是你最好的避风港。任何事情都有商量的余地，千万不要把离家出走当成是解决事情的方法，因为你的离家将会伤透你自己和家人的心~一定要拿出诚心来沟通，如果连沟通的诚心都没有，怎么样得到家人的认同呢？

希望大家在远离温暖的家的时候，自己想清楚这样的举动会带来什么好处？自由？爱？朋友？我不便作评论，但是必须理智行事，千万别为了一时的冲动而后悔莫及。

我远离温暖的家是因为要服役和升学，你们的理由呢？好好珍惜温暖的家吧！

起落

终于领取了成绩，虽然和想象的一样，但是心情依然是非常开心的。至少我的成绩确认我可以上拉曼大学，让我对自己的前程充满希望。

在选科时也挣扎了一阵子，但是也屈服于现实状况作决定。其实这科也不坏，虽然不是最喜欢，但是也不会讨厌的科系。

到现在，我的心情还是一直起落不定。生怕自己会后悔选错科，奈何我不敢想太多，就当作尝试挑战自己，试着去喜欢它吧！

我相信，我不会后悔~

考取驾照之~理论考试篇

经过几天在家的自修，我终于挺进考场内，独自一人去过这一关。由于是第一次考再加上抱着“绝对不能重靠”的决心，我特别的有压力也很紧张，毕竟重考是需要付钱的，我没有重考的本钱，只许胜不许败！

进入考场时还真多人，虽有遇到一位朋友，但是依然未能缓和我忐忑不安的心情。进行考试时，我不时确认自己有没有做错，弄得我神经紧绷。终于考完了，一看成绩我无法相信！我得到47/50的成绩！我顿时放下心中一块大石。

虽然42/50是及格的成绩，但是我能考到这样的成绩已经算不错了，毕竟我是在一个星期内完成练习题的。自己努力得到的事情即使比别人稍逊色，我们也有一种满足感和成就。

距离spm成绩放榜已近在眉头了，希望自己可考得好成绩吧！

应该抱怨吗？

今天已经是迈入2010的第三个月头了，奈何的是我还是没什么推动力去完成任何事情，只会不停的抱怨对现实的不满，抱怨、抱怨、抱怨、抱怨、抱怨...

因为改变不了现状，所以我对任何事情总是忍不住抱怨一番，不管是大事还是小事~妈妈唠叨多两句，我抱怨她太长气~spm成绩放榜时间还要等，我抱怨官员没效率~找不到升学目标，我抱怨自己没用~总之我就是要抱怨才甘愿，不然我不知道自己可以怎么样？

但是再深层的想，我应该永无止境的抱怨下去却毫无行动吗？我是不是应停止抱怨，找出方法来解决问题吗？

最重要的是，换个心态面对现实，心情也会不一样吧？不要再抱怨了，付出行动吧！

考取驾照之~课程篇

我身边的不少朋友早已经考取驾驶执照，有者更能驾驶自如到学校或逛街，唯独我去那里都交通不方便，又得劳烦身边的人载上载下，弄的我很不好意思。为了让自己在“衣食住行”中的“行”变得方便，我决定拿出自己前年打假期工的薪水考取驾照。

结果当然是付出一大笔钱（对我这种人来说，这笔钱真的要了我的命！），去米昔拉路的驾驶学院上课。不知道是讲师教得无聊还是我提不起兴趣，上课期间我一直不停的打瞌睡，几乎把课室当睡房！最糟糕的是讲师教课内容总让人觉得“口水多过茶”，最后还超时，班上的人都怨声连连。

午休后由另外一个讲师教课，虽然没有超时，但是沉闷无聊的课程已经让我被周公的约会所吸引。但是为了我的驾驶执照，我只好硬着头皮听下去，好不容易才挨到下课。

我纳闷的是，考取驾照的过程稍有闪失，就得付出金钱上的代价。不但如此，为了可以取得区区的一张驾照，竟然要花费一千多令吉！上个课程也要付一百多令吉，真的很难想象没有钱的话是如何生存下去？

下个星期是驾照理论考试，万一不及格得重考之余还要付钱，现在只好祝我好运...

沉闷但无奈

因为大马教育文凭成绩仍然未出炉，对于我这些无所事事担又需要等成绩放榜的人来说，时间依然是沉长又无意义的。我一直不断的在浪费时间去等待而已，就这样很沉闷又无奈的等待下去。

到底要等到什么时候呢？我原本的一盘计划现在却因为国民服务而搁置了，再加上成绩未出炉，什么安排都做不了，只好干等下去！

马来西亚的效率几时才能改善呢？？！！

功利社会

这个世界已经成为功利主义挂帅的世界，任何事情都跟功利挂钩，就算是最神圣的教育工作也不例外。有人建议我当教师，就因为福利好。我呆了一下，才发现原来要当教师就是因为它的福利好，而不是因为它的工作性质？！这样岂不是害了很多学生吗？！

不管怎么样，我已经拒绝当教师尤其是在这种教育制度朝夕令改的国家里。我不是看不起这份工，而是在这个凡是以土著为先的国家当老师，根本谈不上有任何的公正，而且华小不断地被打压。

国小建得越来越大，也越来越豪华；反之华小却破烂拥挤，政党承诺的拨款去了哪里？为华人争取利益的领袖们去了哪里？你认为我还想当个满口怨气的老师吗？对不起，对于这种现象我看不过眼却也改变不了事实，所以自己将遴选一份可以回馈社会的工作吧！

由于钱大过天的关系，所以我未来的工作需稳定兼有升职的潜能。因为开始有了自己对未来生活的价值观，所以我相信自己很快的可以找到一份属意的工作或科系吧！为了能在这个功利社会立足，我必须拿出决心来做决定，我不想茫茫然过日子，实在太没意思了！但是功利社会是最残酷的，尤其是商业上的竞争，少一份拼劲都不行。

我还想完成那份小小的梦想，所以不能轻易放弃。

新年前后

经历了在百盛当促销员的日子后，我决定辞职不干让自己放个假，毕竟在那里工作并不划算，还要劳烦我家里的财政部长给予我补贴，结果当然是停工过年。今年的过年最让爸妈开心的是哥哥和大嫂一起回来，而且还多了一个将在两个多月后出生的小生命。

其实今年的新年比较少去拜年，多数是逛街中度过，然后原本要约朋友们出的，可是我要约的原来早已有节目，而且也不告诉我一声，弄得我很失望。最后我只好另约人，虽然全是男生，但也玩得尽兴。

哥哥和大嫂也有跟我讨论过选科系的问题，虽然仍然没有答案，但是我多少也有个概念，那就是留在关丹发展。这样的决定或许在大家的眼中是没有大志，但是为了家里年迈的父母，这个选择可能是皆大欢喜吧！

我虽有个小梦想，但并不是那些雄心壮志的大梦想，只能说堂堂一个男生有着这样的梦想确实很奇怪吧！我无意说出我的梦想是什么，只能说很多人都拥有却又很少去察觉或珍惜。新年后就是发呆过日子，等spm成绩放榜兼等国民服务入营通知信，所有的时间都浪费在等待上，只能说无奈...

又模糊又乱

人的生活如果没有目标，那就会过得很平淡沉闷，也没有任何的推动力改变自己现有的生活。我现在就是这样，毫无目标模模糊糊地过日子，更加谈不上自己有任何的梦想或理想，我就是缺乏坚定的意志和勇气踏出第一步。

可惜的是我胸无大志，只想做个普通的平凡人，即使有再好的理想落在我手上还是等于空。我知道自己容易屈服于现实，但是奈何又改变不了现实，在这种情况下我感到很迷糊，我对自己的未来产生一种莫名的忧虑，一种很悲观的恐惧。

要摆脱现实的枷锁其实是知易行难，谈理想大家可以说得很有大志似的，但是一旦来到了这个钱大过人的现实社会，大家很快得就会被这个社会的现实所折磨，到时什么梦想都只会沦为空谈。

大部分的女生都喜欢有理想的男生，可是现实中有多少个男生有理想呢？即使有，她们是否有发现到现实有多么的残酷到让大部分的人的梦想幻灭呢？到底你们是喜欢那个男生的人还是喜欢他的理想呢？在要求别人的时候自己是不是也一样有类似的条件呢？你是喜欢那个人的条件还是他的人呢？醒醒吧！（我并没有针对任何人，请不要对号入座，如果有任何人认为我的说法是错的话，请拿证据或例子来说服我吧！）

又模糊又乱是我现在的心情写照，不知什么时候我才能找回自己...

现实的妥协

我是个情绪化的人，喜欢想东想西的，脑子总是没有一刻是停下来的。也因为这样所以我的个性还蛮像风一样，时而不定。现在最需要解决的问题是决定我前程的升学的科系选择，这问题缠绕我已经多时，到现在我还再为这问题发脾气，闹情绪......

现实中的我其实也没现象中那样适合大众传播，只是当时我一心对新闻领域产生兴趣进而对大众传播略有研究，只是我以为自己的选择可受到家人的认同，但是现在却引起他们的大力反弹，令我现在苦恼不已。不过我也知道他们反对的原因，或许我真的不适合在这领域发展吧！

既然如此我也只好向现实妥协，这样的举动可能令你们认为我是个容易放弃，懦弱以及没有勇气去争取的人。没错，我就是这样的人，我根本不能面对自己，只会一味地妥协而忽略了自己。既然现在已经到了我没有自主权的时候，我被逼妥协于这个不公平的现实世界，继续生存下去。

这样的做法可能令我远离自己感兴趣的领域，不过我倒是希望可以让自己尝试爱上不是自己的选择，至少我不会整天含着一口怨气做人。假以时日自己真的准备好了并具备能力的时候，我就会真正地完成自己的理想，不让自己的人生留下遗憾。

当然，最先要做的是用时间和行动排除现实中的万难，否则一切沦为空谈。